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Why is that you can’t listen to mainstream radio now without hearing totally over the top productions? There was a time when you could write a good song, record it in a morning, release it the next day and have a gold record a week later. Why isn’t a good song with a few good hooks enough anymore?
You must be getting the hang of this by now; that’s a rhetorical question. I’m not really asking for your opinion, it’s just a way of getting to my next pithy observation. The major artists are so desperate to maintain their profile and their increasingly fickle fanbase that nothing’s sacred and jumping the shark is what you have to do to keep up with Lana del Rey (or Lizzie Grant before the makeover).
Did you know that successful pop music producers have the ethical standards of the Borgias and a relentless urge to force us to listen to their work (sorry, rhetorical again)? So, at a time when major artists are desperate to stay at the top of the slippery pole, here’s what happens.
One of the biggest artists in the world, Beyonce, releases the song “Love on Top” and it’s a really good song performed by a great singer. So you don’t need any clever tricks do you? No posse of “C” list rappers, no credible guest vocalists, no Autotune and definitely no Mark Ronson. You might think there aren’t many more production tricks you can pull. Well, let me tell you about the trucker’s gear change.
It’s a little trick which has been around for decades and it’s really effective. When you get towards the end of a pop song and you’ve run out of verses, you repeat the chorus a few times to get you to the three and a half minute mark. It can get a bit tedious hearing the chorus three of four times but you can make it more exciting by moving the pitch (or modulating) upwards; it gives it a lift and it can be really easy to do. But it’s not usually very subtle which is why it’s called a trucker’s gear change.
Usually one of these is enough to keep up the interest to the three-thirty mark: occasionally you get two (Northern Soul classic “The Snake” by Al Wilson for any trainspotters). So how many do we get in this Kitsch ‘n’ Synch production? We get four; count them next time you hear it. How desperate is that when you have a good song to start with? Was it an engineer who saw the transpose function months ago and went a bit tech-happy when he finally got a chance to use it?
What if the song doesn’t finish at three minutes, thirty seconds? What if it just keeps going, moving to a higher key every chorus? Maybe it’s actually a twenty minute mix that only our dogs and cats can hear after 5 minutes; my cat was strutting his stuff five minutes after I thought the song had ended, which is surprising because I thought he was much more into Rizzle Kicks.
Do us all a favour, just give us the song without any gimmicks and trust us to decide how good it is.
If there’s one word I hate hearing in connection with performers, it’s “entourage”. So it’s fair to say that when I heard that Whitney Houston had been found dead by a member of her entourage, it pushed all of the wrong buttons. I just wish that artists like Whitney Houston and all of the other fractured divas were able to look at their retinues and separate the ones they really needed to help them with their careers from the leeches who attach themselves to anyone who looks likely to achieve any kind of success. So how did the young newcomer from the 80s come to this?
In 1985 I got my hands on a promo copy of a 12-inch vinyl sampler by a new young singer who was the next big thing. I won’t bore you with the family connections that were being used to launch her career; you can find them anywhere online and they were completely redundant. It didn’t matter who she was related to, she had a fabulous voice. The lead track on the sampler was a song called “Someone for Me” which I loved, but didn’t even get a single release. Another track on the sampler was “How Will I Know”, which I wasn’t that bothered about; shows how much I know.
What was obvious from the four tracks on the sampler was a voice that you couldn’t ignore under any circumstances. I’m not claiming any credit for spotting a talent before everyone else because it was obvious to anyone who didn’t have tin ears that Whitney Houston had a phenomenal voice. Everything which happened after that promo was obvious; huge success as a singer and then as an actress (following the Diana Ross trajectory) and the almost inevitable accumulation of a retinue of stylists, arrangers, procurers and Dr Feelgoods. And that’s before you get to the unsuitable partner.
For 10 years Whitney Houston could do no wrong; then, as the hits began to dry up, the gossip started. Drugs, domestic violence and diva behaviour all became subjects of speculation in the media, gradually eroding the wholesome all-American reputation the industry had worked so hard to create. Unfortunately, it wasn’t just speculation; the truth was probably a lot worse.
After the acting and singing success of “The Bodyguard” in 1992, it was difficult to picture a continuing upward path; how could anyone top that? By the late 90s the preppie, good girl reputation had been shredded; unreliability and instability were now the norm and bad news stories were everywhere. From there on in, Whitney’s history was a cruelly long suicide note; everyone knew the ultimate outcome but tried to pretend that everything would work out fine. Which brings us back to the entourage.
Whitney Houston had obviously been battling with her personal demons over a long period of time but there isn’t much hope of winning this battle if no-one close to you is willing to confront you with your problems; denial becomes a very easy option and the outcome is inevitable. It’s such a pity that the circumstances of her death leave us digging over her problems rather than celebrating her many achievements. As an antidote to all of the negativity, try having a listen to any of the greatest hits collections and remember how great that voice was; that’s a fitting tribute.
Why not let MusicRiot sort out your last-minute Christmas presents for the musichead in your life? We asked some of our contributors to recommend a few stocking fillers from the world of music for you. Our only conditions were that it was music-related and reasonably affordable. Here’s what they came up with (in no particular order apart from the old cantankerous curmudgeon who always insists on having the last word). If you’ve got any better ideas then let us know; there’s still plenty of time.
Lou Anderson
Queen:
2011 was Queen’s 40th anniversary and they did not let it go unnoticed! With remastered versions of all their studio albums, each including a bonus EP of outtakes, live material and alternate recordings, any Queen fan, casual or die-hard is sure to be more than satisfied. As well as this, they’ve released “40 Years of Queen” a book detailing their entire career and more, full of stunning photos. The legendary Wembley Stadium concert has also received a 25th anniversary reissue in double CD and DVD format. If there’s not enough there please then you’re just plain greedy.
Brucie/Clarence:
With the passing of Clarence Clemons this June, Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band have remained surprisingly resilient and optimistic with a world tour and studio album planned for next year. While no new material exists right now, an EP of Christmas songs recorded by Clarence in 1981 has surfaced and stands as a perfect gift for any Springsteen fan this year. From last year remains a box set of Bruce’s first eight albums in very pretty miniature record sleeves for a startingly generous price: you’re getting nine discs for around £15!
Lady Gaga:
Gaga is especially known for having such a strong connection with her fans and so has not left them longing for anything this Christmas (except for any announcements about her next tour). The Born This Way album became more of an event than a record upon release and since then every track has received countless remixes, enough to constitue a whole album. On top of this, a film of her Monster Ball Tour at Madison Square Gardens has been given a DVD release and so has a book filled with 450 magnificent photos of the woman herself in collaboration with photographer Terry Richardson. Featuring a surprisingly personal account of the last year or so of Gaga’s career it’s something any Little Monster would die for.
John Preston
Nicola Roberts ‘Cinderella’s Eyes’.
Cheryl Cole may be in it for the L’Oreal ads, r’n'b guest spots and Stateside fame (good luck with that one Cheryl) but ex Girls Aloud Nicola Roberts’ startlingly fresh, odd, sad, euphoric debut (try the Metronomy produced ‘Fish Out of Water’ and tell me you’re not instantly captivated) is about the music and has a British pop sensibility that goes way back. Open your heart.
Bjork ‘Biophilia’.
Forget about the apps, the specially commissioned instruments, the orange afro wig and the David Attenborough narrated live performances and just listen to the music. This is a wondrous album, an album that can move and disturb and, on at least 4 songs, sing along to. ‘Mutual Core’ is an unruly rave anthem ‘Hollow’ terrifies and ‘Cosmogony’ is so completely gorgeous it’ll hurt your chest. Bjork’s influence on contemporary music over the last 20 years has been profound and Biophilia is her most accessible and cohesive album in over a decade.
St Vincent ‘Strange Mercy’.
Annie Clark’s third album is her most satisfying so far. Guitars take the place of strings and the Disneyesque sound stages which over ran St Vincent’s previous long player with tremendous success. Cheerleader and Northern Lights buzz and snarl so tightly you can only imagine that this is what Courtney Love always wanted to sound like but never quite managed to. The vocal performance on the closing track ‘Year of The Tiger’ has seduced me like no other this year.
Cocknbullkid ‘Adulthood’
Anita Blay’s sound has changed considerably since her early electronic East London hipster demos (marvellous by the way) but her knack for writing the perfect 3 and a half minute pop song has not. Put it on and wonder why Cocknbullkid and her perfectly realised debut isn’t number one.
Cat’s Eye’s ‘Cat’s Eye’s’
David Lynch released his debut album this year and this is what is should have sounded like. 60′s girl group melancholia, woozy and narcotic with asteroids falling in slow motion from the sky. An amazing record that takes you into another world that you won’t ever want to leave. Beware.
Allan McKay
40 Year Anniversary set – Alligator Records
Alligator Records is a blues label which reached 40 years in the business this year and released a double CD compilation as a celebration. This is a great present for anyone who thinks that all blues tunes are the same; they’ll never say that again after listening to this because the variety is incredible. The selection ranges from acoustic country blues through boogie-woogie and soulful blues (Mavis Staples, no less) to the flash and trash of Lonnie Mack and Stevie Ray Vaughan and, unusually, features many female blues artists including the wonderfully-named Saffire – The Uppity Blues Women. If you’re into blues already, it’s still a great buy because you might know the songs and the artists but not necessarily in the combination that they appear here. You can find it on the Alligator Records website http://www.alligator.com/albums/Alligator-Records-40th-Anniversary-Collection/ .
The Life Equation – Akira the Don
This was a 5 star review when it was released and it’s still 5 stars now. This is a great album and anyone who’s into music should hear it and pass it on to everyone they know as an example of genuinely creative music and lyrics which acknowledges all of its reference points from the 60s onwards. If you ignore all the other recommendations, you should listen to this. There are at least 2 kitchen sinks thrown in here but it’s an absolutely glorious noise and I don’t understand why he’s not huge. Check out the website http://www.akirathedon.com . And I have to admit it was Plus One who recommended this in the first place.
Ska’d for Life – Horace Panter
Published in 2007, this is an inside view of the rise and fall of The Specials written by Horace Panter (aka Sir Horace Gentleman), the former Specials bass player. This is a genuine “fly on the wall” view of The Specials but it stands out from other insider books because Horace Panter is a genuinely nice bloke. There are plenty of opportunities to dish the dirt on the other band members, but none are taken as Horace gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, however bad their behaviour; it’s not difficult to see why his band name was Sir Horace Gentleman. It’s refreshing to read a music biography which isn’t trying to sensationalise events or cover up the indiscretions of the subjects and that’s why this is such a great read.
Reelin’ in the Years – Mark Radcliffe
Damn, that’s another book idea that I’ve been beaten to. If you used to listen to Mark and Lard on Radio 1 or listen now to Radcliffe and Maconie on 6 Music, then you’ll probably like this. It’s written in the Mark Radcliffe radio presentation style and the theme is a single representing each year between 1958 and 2010. The twist is that they aren’t the songs you would expect and you get a lot of wordplay and music trivia built around them. It’s a bit of light-hearted entertainment although it does feel a bit hurried towards the end. You might want to check out anything written by Stuart Maconie as well.
Isitjustme
Post-Everything – Luke Haines
I’m totally sick of reading these biographies and autobiographies (usually ghost-written) which try to convince you that the subject is a cross between Mother Theresa and Paul McCartney when you already know that they spent 10 years buying up the entire output of Colombia (and I don’t mean coffee) and used their road crew as mules at Customs. This is a proper music memoir by someone who’s been there and wants to tell us all about it while settling old scores for good measure. It’s funny, it’s vicious and it’s authentic; what more do you want. If it’s for someone you really like, you could even buy them his first book “Bad Vibes: Britpop and My Part in Its Downfall”.
The Nightfly – Donald Fagen
None of your X Factor nonsense here. This is an album (that’s a load of songs put together in some sort of order that makes sense when you listen to it); it came out in the 1982 and it was nominated for 7 Grammys . This is how we used to do it when we made proper music with real instruments and people wrote songs themselves instead of relying on someone who churns them out to order so they sound like everything else in the charts. It’s even a concept album; it’s about the experiences of an American teenager in the period from the mid-50s to the mid-60s. Don’t do any of that download nonsense with this; buy the CD and get all the artwork and information that goes with it. If you don’t like this, you don’t like music. And remember; Jessie J has probably never heard of Donald Fagen.
What is it about X Factor that makes millions of people watch it on a Saturday night when they could be out actually having a life instead? I mean you could even go out and watch proper musicians who write their own songs and can play them live without the help of dozens of session hacks. Within a 5 mile radius of the X Factor studios in Wembley there are dozens of venues where great bands are playing to tiny audiences while a bunch of minimal-talent C-list wannabes are performing to a live audience of hundreds and a TV audience of millions.
So, what’s the point of X Factor? Is it to give someone the chance to become pop star? How many previous winners are in the charts at the moment and how many can you remember? Can you remember the first winner in 2004? It could be about trying to get a guaranteed Christmas No. 1, but they haven’t always managed that; if anything, the show has made bands and the public get online and creative about beating the X Factor acts to the Christmas No. 1 slot.
What it’s really all about is viewing figures on Saturday evening and you get those by giving the public what they want; bread and circuses. In this case it’s bland processed bread full of unhealthy additives and a circus featuring a bunch of inept clowns (and that’s before we even get to the contestants). It’s the same as any other reality TV show and it takes its lead from Big Brother; the longer it goes on, the more outrageous the participants and the content have to be. It was bad enough with Jedward (they’re twins called John and Edward, see) but this year we’ve had judges falling out and contestants involved in sex and drugs scandals. Look out for Phil Spector and Gary Glitter as judges next year; it should be fun when they fall out. It might be interesting to see Phil Spector’s motivation techniques at work during the boot camp section.
Be honest with yourself, you watch it because it’s car crash TV. You want to hear deluded egotists who couldn’t carry a tune if it came shrink-wrapped telling snide judges that they don’t have a clue and that they can become stars without X Factor. I’d love to see a follow-up study on those wannabes. And once you’ve got those out of the way and you’re left with the ones who have some knowledge of the concept of melody (and way too much knowledge of vibrato – thank you very much Mariah and Whitney) being given totally inappropriate material to work with by their “expert” mentors. What we’re being sold here is nothing to do with music; it’s a soap opera with characters that change year by year. Even Leona Lewis and Alexandra Burke are pretty difficult to spot these days and they were really successful during their 15 minutes in the spotlight.
Do yourself a favour, go out and watch a band this Saturday; you might even like it. And, on the off chance that you care, the winner of the first X Factor was Steve Brookstein. How many of you will remember Little Mix in 2018?
Merry Christmas.
